Huwebes, Oktubre 10, 2013

an exaggerated and funny esssay

“How to get your Crush in 10 Days”

            I write this essay for my girls out there who don’t have any idea to get their crush to like them. So, if you’re a guy, scodoodle doo my friend because this is not for you. Just like many girls, I have numerous crush in my heart and there will come a time when you are willing to do some schemes to get this gorgeous guy to like you. Before you rushing your way into the girlfriend zone you have to do some investigations that will guarantee the success of this plan. The only thing you need to do is to find out if he’s available or not. You don’t want a girlfriend with a mob of angry friends running up towards you to rip off your face and call you a slut. That is a no no my dear, it will ruin your darling face. Next, you need a common close friend with your crush. Find out someone who can help you with your plans. If you’re so unfortunate that you don’t have a common friend, make one of his friends your friend. This will obviously take time but trust me, patience is the key to all of this.
            What are we waiting for? Let’s start. Just follow the following plan and be the best actress you can be.
            Day 1. Ask your common friend to give your number to your crush. Pretend that you know nothing about the giving of numbers. You’re an innocent little girl secretly ecstatic to receive that heavenly text from your dream guy. Tell your friend to encourage him to text you and that your, simple, a cute girl (not beautiful because most guys prefer cute girls than beautiful ones) who loves sports (if he’s an athlete); guitars (if he’s a musician) you know the drill and of course kind.
            Day 2. This is the get-to-know-each-other part. Keep your conversation interesting and talk about him, not you because most of guys would find that boring and you’ll end up receiving some lame excuses like he’s busy and have to do something or a boring and short reply which says “okey”. If that happens, you’re in trouble girl coz he’s not getting interested with you. If he asks questions about you all the time that is a good sign of curiosity that he wants to know more about you. Make sure that you remain in-character and you completely know nothing about him and talk about his hobbies and likes. If for-the-love-of-god you’re both using different sim card networks, don’t change your sim. If he doesn’t continue texting you because he ran out of load, tease him by telling him that he belongs to the wrong network and should change into your network. But remember not to be too annoying because guys hate that part of a woman’s attitude. If you’re good enough in persuading him, he’ll surely change network for you.
            Day 3. Talk about an interesting movie that is currently showing in your local cinema and make sure to pick the movie which you believe would interest him and a movie that has a romantic part on it. If however, he refuses to go because he doesn’t have any money, tell him to ask someone who would surely lend him some money. Little did he know, you have already talked to that friend to agree on lending your crush a few bucks which originally belongs to you. It’s a little silly but nobody would know except you and your friend. Your crush will have no excuse about bot going with you to watch the movie of your plans.
            Day 4. This time, your cinema moves will come in handy. Wear something sleeveless on your date to watch the movie. It’s obviously cold inside the theater and you accidentally forgot your jacket (just as you planned). Be careful not to look too obvious by rubbing your skin against his because that will give him the wrong impression that you’re some kind of an easy-to-get type of girl. Just wrap your arms around your cold sexy shoulders and never complain about getting cold. If your crush is a real gentleman, he’ll give you his jacket or look for some ways to keep you warm. Remember, refrain the urge of flirting even though your heart is screaming of happiness at the moment. After watching, thank him for being a gentleman.
            Day 5. Be a good girl and tell your mom that you will be the one shopping for your house supplies. Instead of her going to the mall and do the groceries, volunteer yourself and get the list from your mom. With that, you’re left with a bunch of things to buy from the grocery and other supplies that you need from home. The “problem” is you don’t have anyone to help you (even if a lot of your friends wanted to help you out). So send a text to your crush/friend to help you out with your “heavy” problem. Tell him that nobody would help you and your mother asked you to do it on your own. I’M sure he will be a gentle man to help you out and you’ll have fun shopping together.
            Day 6. Invite him to go to the mall again. Tell him that you want to thank him for helping you out to do the groceries and you want to treat him for some ice cream. Make sure to buy the coned ones so you can walk, eat and continue your schemes. Preoccupy him by talking about the things he’s interested with and drag him to the teddy bear corner and pretend you didn’t notice a thing. Act surprise and tell him to check out the cute teddy bears. This will give him the idea that you really love teddy bears and you would love if someone gives you one. Don’t be too obvious that you want him to give you a teddy bear. It is all in your acting skills and you should be good in it. You’re just two friends, walking around the mall. You can even ask him if he have ever given someone a teddy bear. That could lead to a good conversation.
            Day 7.  Send a fake GM or group message that you actually send only to him. Complain about a long-time-stalker who keeps on bothering you through text, calls and emails. I’m sure he would respond to this and would give you some advice. Tell him that your stalker told you that he will only stop if you’re already taken and give him a crazy idea to pretend to be your boyfriend. Tell your crush that it would be fine because you’re both good friends. Maybe he will man up and really ask you to be his girlfriend but if not, just pretend to be a damsel in distress who needs someone to rescue you in this dilemma. If he won’t agree, act cool and don’t force him.
            Day 8. The silent part. Don’t text, call, email or contact him. Give him the rest of the day to think. This will arouse his curiosity about you and think about his feelings for you. This is a critical stage since you will know if he would really give effort to contact you. If your phone is filled with his messages and missed calls in the morning, that is a great sign that he’s already into you.
            Day 9. Text him that you got sick yesterday and is still not feeling well. You’ll flip out when he tells you to get well soon. Tell your common friend to contact your crush and squeeze out some information about your relationship. Let your friend pretend that he’s curious about your crush’s status with you because he/she noticed that your both getting close together. You may not be able to get some details but just see if you really have a chance.
            Day 10. The waiting part. This may take time but you have done all of the efforts that a woman should give for a man. You must be patient in waiting for him to voluntarily ask you for a date that you never have anything to do about.
            After all of your efforts are done, most likely, you are now imprinted in your crush’s heart. You have let him do things that are not commonly done by most of men and this will be your leverage for him to do his moves in finally courting you. Guys don’t forget girls who made them do things that they haven’t experienced before. They want adventure and unexpected events that would made them think about certain things. In your case, you have puzzled his mind about his feelings for a girl whom he just met. But if he doesn’t make any effort after everything you did, let him go. No normal guy would ignore such actions and not think about getting your relationship to the next level. I suggest find another crush and make innovations about our plans in making your crush fall in love with you.

           






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